The Powerful Impact of Parent’s Stress to Children

I have been observing myself as a single parent and my attitude towards my two angels when i'm happy and when i'm stressed. If it wasn't for the times that i was so stressed i know my kids would have picked me to be the best mum in the world, and that is what i want to be but again there is this hard life we are living, so many responsibilities and at times i fail to balance, me as a student, a friend, an employee, a sister, a boss to my maid, a girlfriend i f i will get sometime left to date and most of all a MOTHER.. I cant stop imagining how life is to those who have even more roles to play..the married mothers.

All in all what i'm trying to say is as parents we need to have the stress management skills, it is a MUST for our children's sake and for the sake of the next generation, because what we put our children through today have a huge impact in their lives forever. We are the role models . I cannot even be a little tolerant to my kids when i'm stressed i cant answer the crazy questions kids ask (and my first is in the terrible twos stage), she can even ask where is the food when she is eating it. I yell at them for somethings which do not need me to yell and later when i'm calm i feel terrible quilt.

After reading a few articles about stress and what it does to our children i do want to have the skill of managing my stress and as usual i want to share the information with you.

Writer, Victoria Tennant say that all children experience stress, sometimes significant amounts of it, in their lives. Adults ordinarily fail to recognize the incidence and magnitude of stress in the lives of children. For example, studies have shown that "parents perceive children as having lower levels of stress than children perceive themselves as having."  "parents underestimate how much children worry" (Witkin, KidStress, 1999, p.11).

Our complex modern society has greatly increased the amount of stress adults and children are exposed to. Children are experiencing more stress at younger and younger ages. Even in the womb a child picks up the mother's stress – stress chemicals such as adrenalin and cortisol cross the placenta.

Babies may be too small to understand our words. But they're exquisitely sensitive to their parents' emotions and moods. You would be, too, if you depended on someone for everything you needed to stay alive!, so we can parent stress often equals baby stress.

How babies pick up on parents' stress

"When parents stress, the kids are going to be stressed," says Andrew Garner, MD. "We know that from a variety of research that's been done in both humans and animals." If there's too much stress and emotional upheaval in a baby's life, that can lead to long-term consequences.

"When parents are consumed by their worries," Garner says, "they are less attentive to the needs of their baby, which can leave the baby feeling isolated and afraid. Kids also learn from modeling, so you model the way you manage stress. If you model good stress management -- taking a deep breath, counting to 10, making time for exercise -- they learn from that. They also learn from maladaptive stress management, like yelling, adopting unhealthy lifestyles, and becoming isolated or withdrawn."

All this can happen at a very young age, says Sandra Weiss, PhD, DNSc, RN, FAAN. In her research, she's found that when mothers show signs of psychological distress, children as young as 2 are more likely to exhibit psychological distress themselves.

In fact, a CDC report found that "toxic stress" -- adverse experiences sustained over a long period of time -- can actually change how a child's brain develops. "Prolonged exposure to stress hormones can impact the brain and impair functioning in a number of ways," the report notes.

 Here are some examples:

• Toxic stress can impair the connection of brain circuits and lead to the development of a smaller brain.
• Children can become overly reactive to adverse experiences throughout their lives, developing a low stress threshold.
• High levels of stress hormones can suppress the body's immune response, leading to chronic health problems.
• Sustained high levels of certain stress hormones can damage areas of the brain important for learning and memory.
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A Child Learns and Remembers Best When Calm and Positive

·      When one is calm and alert, the prefrontal lobes are free to engage in higher level thinking tasks. Positive emotions help a child to pay attention, concentrate, solve problems, be creative, learn and remember (Goleman, p. 85).

·       Researchers at the HeartMath Institute found that positive emotions such as feelings of love, appreciation, peacefulness, and playfulness produce an even heart beat rhythm. This forms a harmonious, coherent heart pattern that looks like a mathematically regular wave. Coherent heart rhythms create coherent brain waves. These harmonious rhythms allow the thinking brain to optimally receive and create patterns from incoming information (Childre & Martin, p.37). Recognizing and creating patterns enable us to make sense of the world, learn from our experiences and solve problems (Hannaford, p.3).

·      Feeling relaxed, alert and positive balances the dopamine system so we can pay attention, recognize patterns and think clearly (Bailey, pp. 45-47). Dopamine stimulates the brain's reward pathways. This drives motivation – it feels good so we want to repeat the experience. Serotonin is associated with feelings of well being. "Serotonin works hand in hand with dopamine. The dopamine system helps us focus, while the serotonin system keeps us from being overwhelmed with too much incoming stimuli. Serotonin is like calming music in the doctor's office" (Bailey, p. 47).

                                                   

Young children may experience stress from:

• disrupted homes, blended families, both parents working outside the home;
• increased exposure to violence, both real and on the screen;
• excessive screen time;
• being over scheduled;
• feeling pressured to perform or behave beyond their ability. (Witkin, p.2)

Common stress producers for teens (in addition to the above):

·         failing an exam

·         physical appearance

·         judgment or evaluation by others

·         unrealistic classroom demands

·         the future

·         problems with peers

·         problems with a boyfriend or girlfriend

·         any situation that threatens self-esteem

·         disagreements with teachers, parents or other adults (Feinstein, Secrets of the Teenage Brain, 2004, p.94)

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Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, my prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  Philippians 4:6-7